Tockinit not horrible nor great

Grimossfer Clever and entertaining enough to recommend even to members of the 1%

Invaderbank The film creates a perfect balance between action and depth of basic needs, in the midst of an infertile atmosphere.

Brooklynn There's a more than satisfactory amount of boom-boom in the movie's trim running time.

Lucabrasisleeps Reading the reviews, I expected a lot of brutal stuff, a real French extremity shocker. I remember watching Inside and Martyrs and sitting dazed after witnessing all the carnage. So what went wrong here? I should have got the clue when I saw that he was also the director of another movie that I dislike greatly, Vinyan. But I ignored all that looking at the reviews. There are 3 things that may be expected in an enjoyable horror/exploitation movie. First, large amounts of gore and nudity. Remember we are living in the Saw and Hostel age. Nothing less than absolute carnage will satisfy viewers. This movie has very minimal violence. Whatever disgusting things are there are all implied. That should normally be good right? Well maybe if you are talking about an atmospheric creepy horror film. But not when you are making a movie where the disgusting things are the center. Then there is no other way, you need to go all the way. This movie doesn't even meet that expectation halfway through. Hell John waters was making shocking stuff 30 years ago. This movie doesn't raise the bar even a little bit.Then there is another aspect that you might expect. Atmosphere. a creepy horror film which starts slowly and then explodes. Nothing like that. They don't even try to creep you out. The director never intended to make an atmospheric horror film. He just wanted to make a long(well it feels long) boring mess and try to present himself as an intellectual who challenges the status quo. Sort of like Bunuel, only he doesn't have half that talent. Then maybe at least entertainment. Maybe a fun ride without much violence or atmosphere. Something like, those Hollywood fun movies where you just sit back and enjoy. Here I was struggling to keep my eyes open with the non events going on. I kept expecting something that could redeem the movie, a twist, a last act of violence, something. I got nothing. At least Vinyan had that, a last scene which may have confounded viewers but which seemed passionate. Here there was a non ending and then it switches to the credits. Gore lovers would hate the movie of course. Depravity lovers....well any rape scene, anything is cut short immediately. Even the much hyped pig shagging thing ended so quickly with nothing shown (of course here you can't blame the film makers because what can they really do?). The crucifixion scene was also very short. That pretty much covers most of what happens in the movie. Unless you include the constant whining of the old men and the whining of the main character. I pretty much described the whole movie, so no need to worry about what is left in the movie. Pretty much my least favourite movie of the French horror wave.2/10

BA_Harrison Travelling cabaret singer Marc Stevens (Laurent Lucas) suffers engine trouble, breaking down in the woods during a rain-storm, but manages to find shelter at a nearby inn. Unfortunately, the owner of the establishment, Bartel (Jackie Berroyer), is completely crazy and, believing that the singer is his estranged wife, uses any means necessary to prevent his guest from leaving.I'd seen Calvaire (AKA The Ordeal) mentioned on a few 'most disturbing movies' lists, and comparisons to The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Misery, Deliverance, Straw Dogs only furthered my curiosity. Having just finished watching the film, I have to say that I'm a bit disappointed.Once writer/director Fabrice Du Welz has established his film's unconventional premise, it seems as though he doesn't know what to do next, other than be weird for weird's sake. The plot certainly displays very little in the way of real development: Marc Stevens is subjected to humiliation, escapes, is caught again, then subjected to more humiliation, before escaping again. The story goes nowhere, ending abruptly without resolution, while the persistent, darkly humorous tone only serves to dilute any real horror that the situation might have otherwise had.As a fan of warped cinema, I didn't find Calvaire a total waste of time—any film with a random spot of bestiality and an impromptu freakish dance scene isn't totally worthless in my eyes—but it was far from the gruelling ordeal I had expected.

eryui But i'll do just to warning whoever is going to watch this piece of nonsense. I'll do because i believed the positive reviews and thanks to them I lost almost 88 minutes uselessly.Right on the start I started to have a bad feeling. When a director spent the first three minutes showing a singer singing a boring song, right there, i told to myself: "this movie is going to be a waste of time". And that it was.A story you completely do not care about. The plot could had be filmed in five minutes; a "guy", cause a van damage, ended up in a "crazy" community in a nowhere place; all the rest is a completely long and stupid manner to make from an absurd and poor idea a full movie. The acting, the movie, the sounds, all is tedious long and irritating. The boring scenes of crazy people singing are useless if not to lengthen the movie. I had to use the forward button many times to jump those parts. There is not horror to be afraid of, there is not suspense, there isn't thrilling, there was nothing at all but absurdity and craziness, and not in a interesting manner, in a completely absence of ideas. You can't see neither the effort to try to give to this movie a minimum of intriguing. You expect something to make some sense or interesting and you wait in vane. Also the final, in any way you look at it, doesn't make any sense connected to the whole movie. Despite i do like horror genre movie, surreal or not, this is not even a movie to me. Next time i'll be more careful to read the negative reviews.You have be warned.0/10

suspiria56 Calvaire is one of the leading horror films of the last 15 years, which have exploded (much in the way J-horror did mid-90s) into the minds of horror buffs all over the world. Not only is Calvaire a strange, unnerving, and often amusing experience, it is also of great interest to those well versed in the horror genre.French acting talent doesn't come much better than Laurant Lucas at the moment, and he convincingly gets lost in his characters journey. Phillipe Nahon's presence is always felt, despite limited screen time. Throw in Brigitte Lahaie, references to Deliverance, The Wicker Man, Don;t Look Now, Polanski, outstanding cinematography (Benoit Debie), and of course The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (which this film closely resembles), and Calvaire can be seen as one of finest examples of modern horror available.Enjoy your descent into hell.