Shark Exorcist

2015 "Satan Has Jaws"
1.3| 1h10m| en| More Info
Released: 14 August 2015 Released
Producted By: Stratosphere Entertainment
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Budget: 0
Revenue: 0
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Synopsis

A demonic nun unleashes HOLY HELL when she summons the devil to possess a MAN-EATING SHARK!!

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Reviews

ChikPapa Very disappointed :(
Tyreece Hulme One of the best movies of the year! Incredible from the beginning to the end.
Bob This is one of the best movies I’ve seen in a very long time. You have to go and see this on the big screen.
Jenni Devyn Worth seeing just to witness how winsome it is.
eldou-36840 I know, a 3/10 for this abomination of a movie? Well if I was actually watching it as though this were the Avengers or La La Land for those who aren't into MARVEL movies then this movie would be about a -5, my wife and I have a thing we do when we're caught up on watching all of our shows. We look for obscure movies to bust on; like Mystery Science Theater 3000 only without the puppets and an occasional beer. So I had to rate it based on our ability to find material to make the movie giggle worthy.The movie actually does start out promising with a seriously pissed off nun who calls out to Satan to do his worst and makes a blood sacrifice to seal the deal. I had a field day with the nun while my wife had a ball with the idea that the worst thing Satan could come up with was to create (I'm guessing create) a shark or maybe the nun was given the gift of transforming into a shark to terriorize the tens of people in a lake, in a sleepy town.It continued to move on with the three (lead?) actresses who were off to that lake to do some sunbathing. Each had their character flaws which we proceeded to use to our comedic advantage.And then there was the chick with the camera man who was doing some kind of show about paranormal activity where neither of us were sure if she was supposed to be legit or a fraud but we worked with it as best we could.The priest was also comedic gold because he played his role much like the priest in 'The Exorcist', except rather badly.But then there were some things that you we simply sat and simply had nothing or were asking legitimate questions like: "What are these (different) girls doing chanting in the woods with one girl have coniptions because she's dreaming about some crazy chick in the past and what does any of this have to do with the Jaws jr?" or What is the relevance of a scene where this chick with a body builders physique has managed to fall alseep in like 10 seconds so that some pervert with a smart phone is able to tape her sleeping for easily five minutes then manages to leave just as she's stirring from her slumber?Those questions were too numerous to count as was the complete lack of cohesion within each scene, but by then, just like a rubbernecker needing to see the carnage created by a car accident, we had to finish watching this thing and just as I thought we were had made our penance the minute the one girl from the main plot turns into a shark and eats her girlfriend (who pretty much deserved it since she really didn't like her friend and was muscling in on a guy sharkgirl liked), and the ending credits start, but my wife was too slow to turn off the tv and we now were watching the near ten minute segment in the middle of the closing credits where this girl is in a mall (I think) and starts playing with the stuffed sharks in the shop. No one stops here from doing this. No one even checks to see if she took her meds as she then starts fondling a giant fish tank in the center of this mall. I really had no words for this and my wife would probably have rated this a 4/10 because of the field day she had watching me watching this.This really was a bad, bad movie but if you can watch if for free and are a glutton for punishment, and are up for the challenge of making this movie entertaining then perhaps you should give it a try. However, if you aren't a masichist then please don't put yourself through this mess.
duckstar-61030 Warning there are some spoilers in this.... I think.....I'm still not sure what happened.I don't know where to begin when reviewing this movie.The beginning was poor, the middle worse and the less said about the end the better, depending which one you are talking about, there are three.We watched with with a group of mates and decided that the best way to approach the review is to list random comments, which is a perfect mirror of how this movie must have been constructed. Scenes were edited in a way to add suspense but instead just look like they gave up mid shot.The story was almost incomprehensible. The final 15 minutes had no relation to the previous 50.The camera (yes one) ranges in quality, some is basically iPhone footage that has been uploaded poorly to YouTube, downloaded and then burnt to DVD. The only part filmed in 'good' quality are the CG renders of the shark which are totally unneeded for the continuity of the film.'Acting' was so wooden I got splinter's in my eyes. 67 minutes, why does it feel like 67 days.This makes The Room look like Schindler's List.Many of the scenes are filmed so poorly, exterior shots have no usable audio.One scene has some of the worst ADR I have seen in a while.I saw the cover and wondered what this film was about. After watching I'm still wondering. The best effects on the DVD are the menu screen.There choice of actors led to come confusing scenes where one woman was either playing a 'child' or and 'adult with learning difficulties' that was seduced by the shark? The use if a question mark is intentional as i'm not quite sure what happened in the scene. How to you get attacked by a shark on a bridge above 2 foot of water? Probably the same way this DVD got a release, a deal with Satan. The film could could well have all the shark scenes cut and still make as much sense, if fact we wondered if it was soft core porn with all the sex removed.There is a baffling scene at a the end of the movie which was genre defining… that being plastic shark erotica. The over use of the zoom function on their cheap camera was jarring. The seasickness helped to reinforce the maritime theme of the movie.There are no continually errors in this film as there is no continuity. Continuity error implies that something made sense.In conclusion it is a 'good' movie to watch with a group of friends and rip the p**s out of every 14 seconds.If you feel this review is disjointed wait till you see this movie. :o)
azura-16866 So OK if you like shark films then this film will be a film you might like. It is just like it has been filmed at home and some of the scenes are just silly and so unrealistic. It is almost so bad it is funny and more like a comedy then a film. The shark is also so bad it's funny you don't see the shark attack anyone it just cuts to the shark then to the person who is covered in very bad fake blood it looks like tomato sauce. The acting I thought was bad as well and again like they were acting out a school play and not a movie will not be watching this film again. It is a bit like a really rubbish jaws meets final destination so yes I would not see this film again
Leofwine_draca SHARK EXORCIST is another bandwagon-jumping monster flick. It seems B-movie film-makers these days have realised that anything involving a shark sells well, so you get films about robot sharks, giant sharks, ghost sharks, you name it. The premise for this one is quite literally JAWS meets THE EXORCIST, but if you're looking for a genuine B-movie then you've come to the wrong place.This is a homemade movie, and the most expensive thing about the film is the camera - this admittedly looks great in high definition. It's unfortunate, then, that's there's no real film or story here, just a bunch of scenes involving young women wandering around in bikinis and showing off their tanned bodies. The action plot incidents that make up the story occupy about five minutes of screen time tops and the rest is just padding.There's no nudity or gore, so this really does fail as an exploitation movie. The shark scenes involve just a few snippets of CGI which is neither here nor there. Unsurprisingly the acting from the young female cast is dreadful and quite embarrassing for the viewer to sit through. The nadir of the film is when the characters attend a fairground and wander around for ten minutes doing nothing. And once the credits roll you get not one but two tacked-on scenes of more aimless wandering just to pad out the running time. SHARK EXORCIST is a film that makes SHARKNADO look like CITIZEN KANE.